Water Cooler Humorist Gifts

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"Unfortunately, little plastic cups were not in the budget."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"Keep up the good work, whatever it is, whoever you are."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

Guide fish.

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

'While you were out I replaced you.'

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

"He's still bitter that bottled water ruined his reign as king of the water cooler."

"So, Jenny in accounting needs all reimbursement forms backdated to the first of the month, but Dave in HR said she's just doing that to create busy work for everyone."

Shark Chum

'Uh-oh... the boss is wearing his safety boots! That means, someone will get kicked out today!'

"This is a tough place to work..."

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

'What can I say, Carol... I'm whelmed.'

Fish Farm.

'The key to my job security is nobody knows I'm actually working here.'

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

"The enemy of my enemy isn't my friend, but we do occasionally carpool together on the way into the office."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I find that coming in late and leaving early makes the day go by faster.'