Watching Sitcoms Gifts

"We'd like you to be the quirky but lovable teen-age daughter,"

Norman Fell

"Maybe the new neighbors know something we don’t."

Someone's gotten ahold of a scandalous videotape from your youth? Well my early 80s, but yes. I'm busted on tape. Oh no. Oh no no. What was it? Were you

I heard that Rex Morgan, M.D. is in the hospital

Gilligan's Elevator.

'...And now, welcome to the 'All I Love Lucy, All the Time' channel....'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'I don't have to laugh...the show laughs at itself...'

'Your Honor, my client developed situational ethics because his parents allowed him to watch too many situation comedies.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Pet Entertainers

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Must-See Lockdown TV.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

Happy Birthday Magicians of America

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'We've got a 50 inch hd lcd 3d t.v with 200 channels and there's nothing on.'

Clownton Abbey

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"