Watching Comedies Gifts

Identity Parade - Smoker.

'I have been thinking, Horace, of becoming a widow.'

Desert Island Murder

Detective follows footprints leading to a pair of shoes.

'A few more 'runs' on the photocopier and we'll soon be abl to 'buy us' that yacht!'

The Invisible Man is a frustrated flasher.

'They took everything but my good luck charm.'

'What? ALL of them-you let them ALL go home to Mother???'

The Federal Witless Protection Program in action.

'Of course I've done something about Lady Godiva -- I had security cameras installed all over town!'

'Come our Bugsy - we know you're in there. . .'

'I've had the headache for 3 days. The shortness of breath just started.'

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

'My God, Jill! Use something else to crack your walnuts.'

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'I see you were expelled from college for cheating.'

Falling asleep in each other's arms maybe romantic in the beginning but after 10 years of marriage the wife has to wear a snorkeling gear in bed to be able to breath,

'I've been mugged, officer!'

'Ready to order?'

"For Goodness' Sake! Slow down and watch you're going..."

"What do you mean you 'never want to see me again?'"

Broken Leg.

When I was young I worked at being hip, now I hope my hip keeps working.

"The entire West Coast division must go. Make it look like an accident."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."