Wartime Humor Gifts

'Shark!'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

COWMIKAZES

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

'I say, it would be ever so nice if you could hand me my rubber ducky'.

Your Country Needs MOO!

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Today isn't a good day. He's talking to New York now, then he's got a board meeting, after that there's an old Betty Grable film on TV.

"Mother, I'd like you to meet a member of the armed forces."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"Most of the time, war...it makes no sense. A lot of times, we'd hear artillery whistling over our heads. But really, you can't move. You just wait...and wait...until it hits...and hope it isn't hitting you."

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

The Trench-Sealer

British patent (applied for) A Trained Dog of war Drawing the Enemy's Fire.

"Well, thats buggered that idea"

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

Train Arrivals

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making Ewe talk.'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"We didn't have telly in wartime, we had to make our own violence."

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

"Why don't you join the Army."

'When you say I have 24 hours to get out of town, does that include the grace period?'

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

Giant cat sleeps on a building

Hague Convention Defied! Lachrymosing the British by Onion-whittling under Cover of Night.

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

Humpty Dumpty using Egg timer as an Alarm clock.

Hague Convention Defied! Stiffnecking Tommies by Directing Draughts on the British Trenches.

Are you a Questionnaire Addict?

"Late, as usual."

Hague Convention Defied! Using Siphons of Laughing Gas to Overcome the British before an Attack in France.

"What took you so long?"