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Attila the Hun

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"I believe I you, Bigfoot."

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"I know winter gets ugly, but this is ridiculous!"

'You're too aggressive.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

Mermaids

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

Loch Ness.

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

"Shoo!"

'I'm Smallfoot, Bigfoot's cousin!'

The 24/7 Samurai

"Better watch it, Sheriff. It's said this guy's dang near impossible to shoot and no jail can hold 'im."

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

Friendly Troll.

'We spent centuries refining our eyes of newt and bat wing potion, and now we're expected to give it away for free?'

Condoleezza Rice

Davey Crockett passed his bar exam.

'He's been like that since he pulled the sword out of the stone.'

"Dragons were never out of style."

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

Genghis Khan

"Look sharp, Son. Your Mother's family just showed up."

'Dungeons aren't SUPPOSED to be user-friendly!'

Ancient Greek Downsizing

"To be honest, I'm just looking for positive role models in my life. After all, he's Genghis Khan, not Genghis Can't."