Warranty Warriors Gifts

'Please don't hurt me! †I've got a wife and three kids and fourteen lifetime warranties!'

"Does this come with a guarantee?"

"He never takes anyone's word for anything!"

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Nervous Oral Testing

"It's true: no more burpees."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

Zumbie: Zumba for zombies.

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"Can I still do my pilates?"

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

Resume Dumpers

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Man climbs a ladder only to find the word HELP.

Run, Mike, Run!

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'Of course, you realise my chief of staff has more power and influence than your chief of staff.'

'A word in my office Jones.'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"