Warranty Warriors Gifts

'Please don't hurt me! †I've got a wife and three kids and fourteen lifetime warranties!'

"Does this come with a guarantee?"

"He never takes anyone's word for anything!"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Nervous Oral Testing

"It's true: no more burpees."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

Zumbie: Zumba for zombies.

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

Run, Mike, Run!

'Of course, you realise my chief of staff has more power and influence than your chief of staff.'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

'A word in my office Jones.'

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

Studio in December

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"