Wannabe Tax Guru Pillows

"Could I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"It's no use, Super Rich! Your labyrinthine, yet entirely legal tax structures are too powerful for me!"

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'Aluminum siding will be used to cut costs in restoration at the U.S. Capitol.'

New Improved I.R.S.

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

Osborne's Tax Cuts

"I now represent both death and taxes."

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

'You Americans call it 'Illegal Tax Evasion'? Well, here in Europe, we call it 'Monaco Effect Investments''!

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Romney: 'Corporations are people! We just pay a lot less taxes than you!'

"Your third wish should have been to make the first two wishes tax free."

"Our accountant is great. We were a C corp, but now we're a B- corp."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

"I realize how helpless and needy they are, but I'm afraid you still can't claim a human as a dependent."

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'

Stimulus bust