Tax Strategy Guru Pillows

'You've got a letter from the IRS. It's addressed to Mr. John Gilbert, choice morsel.'

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

'Keep a lid on it!'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

The Mattress Savings Bank

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

'Doing your taxes wasn't what I had in mind when I asked for an extra-credit assignment in econ.'

'...We're just the Intergalactic Rescue Society.'

'Wasn't that the Chancellor?'

'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

IRS, 'Two jobs? -- Oh, the greedy type, eh?'

'I came to explain about my income tax.' - 'Ok, start lying.'

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

'There are billions and billions of dollars of unreported income. How come we don't have any of it?'

"Ah Watson, reducing your taxes was simplicity itself. They were but elementary deductions."

'Get me into that 15% tax bracket I've heard so much about.'

'There's more to life than winning; there's also taking losses as tax write-offs, That's it?'

'Your money? — does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?