Tax Guru Pillows

'Mr. McWit, being self employed in a one person operation, would you care to explain these deductions for employee theft?'

'I'm sending in my quarterly estimated tax payment, but I'm not signing the check. If I have to guess how much I made, let the IRS guess who made it.'

Inland Revenue Audit - "I notice all of a sudden you've stopped saying 'We'!"

'Now whose salary is small potatoes, and who works for peanuts?'

'We're celebrating you, Mister Small Business...so I brought you a gift!'

'Just saying I'm a CPA is boring. I'm going to start saying 'I'm a CPA, as it were.''

"Are you responsible for this, Arnold?"

Offshore tax haven. Will build to suit.

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'I came to explain about my income tax.' - 'Ok, start lying.'

"While I am a taxpayer and I might be a horse's arse I don't like being treated like one."

"I'm afraid there's no 'tax deductibility' for 'A life wasted in the meaningless search for fulfillment through the acquisition of meaningless wealth."

"You call it untold wealth, we call it unreported income."

IRS Gift Shop: All purchases deductible on next year's federal taxes.

'Shouldn't I get a deduction for this, since the government is almost a charity now?'

The bad news is that it's at the Inland Revenue.

'It's better to give than to receive - if you can deduct it!'

'Well at least you've got your health.'

'...We're just the Intergalactic Rescue Society.'

'How have April's tax changes effected you?'

'Doing your taxes wasn't what I had in mind when I asked for an extra-credit assignment in econ.'

'Now tighten your belts, please.'

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

IRS: 'As a pro athlete, you're expected to give 110 per cent.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

IRS Audit Section

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

"It's no use, Super Rich! Your labyrinthine, yet entirely legal tax structures are too powerful for me!"