Wannabe Spy Pillows

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

"So, you're telling me that you can't return, 'How to be a secret agent' because the final chapter instructed you to eat it after reading?"

Rattache

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'After graduation, I plan on working in warrantless surveillance for the CIA. How about you?'

Your Palm

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"I'm a changed man, Lou - I'm wearing a wire AND a fitbit."

He's given up being an internation man of mystery and global sex symbol as part of his new years resolutions.

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

"I don't need to write it down, boss, I'm wearing a wire."

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

'Next time I cut the red wire...'

"No, my memo isn't encrypted...the spell check broke."

Secret travel agent. Man in black says: 'I could tell you about budget city breaks, but then I'd have to kill you.'

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

A young boy shaving

"Your mission number one, should you choose to take it, is to seek and destroy the new laptop"

National Wildlife Office. Wrong number. He mistook us for the Secret Service.

'Son, as I can see it, your career prospects as a pirate seem to be... hm...limited!'

Secret agent ninja spots the target. He moves quickly to get out of sight. Amazingly, the target reappears! He makes another evasive maneuver, but no matter what he does...he has to talk to the prettiest girl in school."

"He says he thinks he could be the next James Bond."