Wannabe Baby Genius Trainer Gifts

"We sign with the baby all the time. This morning I was reading her my latest manuscript and she signed the words for, 'fresh', 'insightful' and 'poignant'."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

Dog training

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Technology is for babies!"

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

Chris felt that, with diligence, he could teach Jack to hit a 1-iron by 11 months.

Spiro & Pusho and the baby choir

"She's pretty smart. She already knows enough to spit out vegetables."

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

Wisdom for dummies

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

"Is there anything I should avoid after childbirth?"

Pre-School Child Center - Computer LiterateNon-Computer Literate.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'They're a bit pricey, but on the other hand, I don't have to buy any baby gates.'

Pentagon Science Contest: 'I get that a lot...must be from being in the presence of raw genius.'

"Aren't you afraid you might get too smart?"

'He said his first words today. . . 'buy' and 'google'.'

Block block.

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'He taught me how to fetch, heel and roll over. And I taught him all he needs to know about cats.'

Pushy parents and their baby.

'Adult prodigy' "It's most extraordinary -and he's only 37."

'I think my baby sister is ready for the compter! Last night she said, ' GOO-GOO!''

"You can do it. Just pretend there's a squirrel on the bed."