Wall Street Wonder Gifts

Wall Street: Broke and Broker.

'My mom's a professional stock trader. Don't let the martini and cigar fool 'ya, she's all woman.'

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

'Bill's overweight on Krispy Kreme, plus he owns the stock.'

'Choo, Dow Jones. Did you hear that? A sneeze from Wall Street.'

'Nobody understands you. . . do you blame them?'

"The dollar is falling!"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Injured backpacker.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

Dance.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

"Der, dad. . . it's wireless!"

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

Making money for investors is simple

Dancing to Mobile Tunes

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"