Wake Gifts

'Sorry, we couldn't pry the remote from his fingers.'

'I must say. It was jolly decent of you to invite me to the wake.'

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

"Join us after the service for a celebration of Mark's life. Or alternatively, go with the guys down the back to celebrate Mark's secret life."

"We look very peaceful."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Playing Fetch.

"Bond James, Bond."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Butterfly Woman

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Larry's used art

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Copycats

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Gender Equality

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.