Wake Pillows

'Sorry, we couldn't pry the remote from his fingers.'

'I must say. It was jolly decent of you to invite me to the wake.'

'Well, that was unexpected.'

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

"Join us after the service for a celebration of Mark's life. Or alternatively, go with the guys down the back to celebrate Mark's secret life."

"We look very peaceful."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Playing Fetch.

"Bond James, Bond."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Butterfly Woman

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Larry's used art

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Gender Equality

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."