Waiting Room Philosophers Gifts

'I wish someone would invent faster clocks.'

"Don't just sit there give me a hand."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

Medical Center.

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'I'll take #1.'

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

TSA Lines

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

You Don't Know What It's Like

'Have I been waiting long? Well, I guess so. I was forty three years old when I came in.'

"The lines are a bit slow today...so here's something to help pass the time!"

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..