Waggish Wit Pillows

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

You trip on it, you buy it.

Good boy

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'No need to shout.'

Bagel problems.

Male On Sunday

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

'He has his father's feet.'

Bell Hop

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'