Voting Virtuoso T-Shirts

'Goodness Frank, where did all the mud come from?' - 'Election campaigns.'

"More absentee ballots."

"What factors influenced your decision to use this particular exit?"

"You spend years waiting for any politician to pay you the slightest attention!"

'All in favor of my idea say 'Aye.' All opposed, say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' ten times real fast.'

Honest Vending

An informed voter is a good voter

Thesaurus Company

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

Bookworm group

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

The Election Strategy

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'I'm afraid the motion has been carried and you lost.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

'It won't take bitcoins.'

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."

"take your best shot, counselor."