Virtuoso T-Shirts

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"It's a play on words."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

Dictionary. It's a cordless spell checker!

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Coleridge'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Wino Appreciation Group

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Writer

Poetry repairman