Verdict Virtuoso T-Shirts

"OK, two out of three..."

"take your best shot, counselor."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'We find the defendant guiltyish.'

"Your honor, the jury was unable to reach a verdict because one juror didn't agree. AACK! However, he changed his mind and we now have a unanimous verdict."

'I've had six not-guilty's in a row, and you look like a streak-breaker.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Have you reached a verdict?' 'Is there a, 'Hanging's too good for him option?''

'We haven't reached a verdict, your honor, but we have decided where to go for lunch.'

"This case poses a very difficult choice... I know, coin toss!"

'Innocent Mr Wilks? I'll be the judge of that.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

An informed voter is a good voter

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

'All in favor of my idea say 'Aye.' All opposed, say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers' ten times real fast.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Coleridge'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."