Value Virtuoso T-Shirts

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"It's a play on words."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

An informed voter is a good voter

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Coleridge'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Poetry repairman

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Writer

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

Bring It On!

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."