Efficiency Virtuoso T-Shirts

"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."

Balancing two espresso martinis

An informed voter is a good voter

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

Bring It On!

'I'm afraid the motion has been carried and you lost.'

"Turn down the bass."

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

The Cello Victims

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"take your best shot, counselor."

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

Cello Composer