Vine Virtuoso T-Shirts

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

Vegetable Cook

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Planting veggies

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

Mom's restaurant - 'You can't leave until you've eaten your greens.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

Cooking with Pierre

'Coleridge'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

Show and Tell.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."