Vino Virtuosos T-Shirts

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

"Your description of the wine's bouquet was elegant, but are you sure that's not my feet?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Coleridge'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Poetry repairman

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Wino Appreciation Group

Writer

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"House red, sir?"

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"