Vinous Virtuoso T-Shirts

"If I'd wanted to taste strawberries and summer fruits I'd have asked for fruit squash."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Coleridge'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Wino Appreciation Group

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

Writer

Poetry repairman

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"House red, sir?"

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."