Vinous Virtuoso Gifts

"If I'd wanted to taste strawberries and summer fruits I'd have asked for fruit squash."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Coleridge'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Wino Appreciation Group

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Writer

Poetry repairman

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"House red, sir?"