Vinaigrette Virtuoso T-Shirts

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

Vegetable Cook

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Planting veggies

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

Mom's restaurant - 'You can't leave until you've eaten your greens.'

Cooking with Pierre

Show and Tell.

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Coleridge'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

The Authentic Christmas.

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

You will always find a spot to garden

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

It's the biofuel generation.