Vote Vigilante Pillows

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Your Precious Vote

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

Nun confronts mugger.

Anti-Vaxer

Coronavirus dancing around an EU flag

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

"Okay, Okay... the vaccine has side effects, but at least social distancing is guaranteed."

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'Maybe we can rob Peter AND Paul.'

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

A footballer is having an eye test.

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

'You have voted, yes! Have your SHEEP voted!'

'Mom, the only thing I don't like about this job is the screen saver.'

'Miss Figgs, as your Headmaster I feel it only fair to warn you that your exam marking is under investigation!'

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

"I realize Kyle was looking at your answers, but that doesn't mean you can sue him for theft of intellectual property."

'Yer luck's run out old timer - I've come fer what's mine!'

Monster in optician.

"I made my lawyer, best man. That way he can make sure I don't get too generous with my vows."

Young against old

"Hopefully not an Astrazeneca!"