Vocational Training Gifts

Whatever became of auto repair and bookkeeping?

Roads for Graduates

'Then after 'A' Levels I did an NVQ in Cleansing and Hygiene.'

"We've canceled so many technical programs. . . local business and industry is begging for trained people!"

Trade School. Going to trade school after our real estate business collapsed was a good idea! These days it's all about "vocation, vocation, vocation"!

'I need to learn a trade... so I know what kind of work I'm out of.'

"I'd like to apply for the work-study program."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Brian was very proud of his dog.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Overjumpers

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Shake! Good Dog."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."