Vocational Instructor Gifts

"We've canceled so many technical programs. . . local business and industry is begging for trained people!"

'No, Joan of Arc did not invent welding.'

"No, Joan of Arc did not invent welding."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Kirsten Johnson

'Leadership training.'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'I need to learn a trade... so I know what kind of work I'm out of.'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

"This is a teaching hospital."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

Econ 101. Can you explain the phrase "Talk is cheap"? It's because the supply always exceeds the demand.

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

"I'd like to apply for the work-study program."

Creative Writing 101. When it comes to writing lean, simple prose, there's the wrong way, the right way and the Hemingway.

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'