Vocabulary Guru Gifts

Wordplay: Kiss.

A Puppet Named Juan

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Punctuation Police

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

'The Questioner'

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Doggone

Dating an English Major

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'Stick them up...'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

Man sees door to Thesaurus company that has sign posted: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.