Grammar Guru Gifts

'Yes, a winky face is correct... But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as 'complete sentences.''

Writer with punctuation spray.

'First off, there's no 'y' in resume...'

"I translate books from English into better English."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"Cower before me, earthlings! Your bombs have failed, we have killed many of you, less of you remain to fight..."

"What can I say? I was an English major."

Got idea. Talk better. Combine words. Make sentences.

'Who.' 'Who.' 'Who.' 'Or is it whom?'

student to teacher: 'I have trouble with punctuation. I just don't have any comma sense.'

"I read your college application essay. First of all, the word college has two l's."

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

'I can't believe I went out with an apostrophe. He was so possessive.'

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

'They're arguing over whether it should have an apostrophe.'

"I got your email. Was it encrypted or is your spelling that bad?"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'Give me two pronouns.'

'I'll never date another apostrophe... the last one was too possessive.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

Woman to co-worker: 'Some people want to abolish apostrophes ? but I'm very possessive about them.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'We're here to question mar.'

'I typed it that way because I thought that punctuation would just slow it down.'

I've got all the words I need for my novel, it's just a case of putting them in the right order.

8 items or fewer.

Man sees misspelled 'Minimum Competency Testing' sign on door.

'Looks like your spell check was turned off when you prepared your resume.'

'How are we supposed to show any creativity when they've already made up their minds how these words are spelled?'

"I see from your resume you spent fore years at bizness skool."

On writing good...

You need to learn punctuation. I'ts, important later! 'in life'

'She said we were definitely having a test, no ifs, ands or buts, and every one of them was on it.'

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'