Visiting Doctor Gifts

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

"So what brings you in today?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

"Will he be okay?"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."