Visiting Cafes T-Shirts

Deja vu cafe: 'Seriously, I could swear I've been here before...'

"Good! I see they made the coffee nice and strong this morning."

'Separate bills please.'

"I'd say business was brisk."

"I hate people buy a coffee and then spent all day in the café working

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

"I knew you'd like this place."

Coming soon - the Barrel! 'OH BOY!!'

Marx & Hegel Buy a Bagel.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Two people are sat in a cold café having hot chocolate.

"I'm sorry, but 'just plain old coffee' no longer exists."

Wake up and smell the coffee

"Hot chocolate, straight. ...make it a double."

These e-readers are totally unsatisfying. Because you can't see what someone is reading? Precisely. With paper books, you can see that someone sitting at the cafe is reading a stupid romance or a mindless thriller. You can walk by them, hold up your copy of 1984 or some Marshall McLuhan essay, and let out a condescending snort. Which reminds me, you know that McLuhan would say about all this media? I tuned out three panels ago.

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I -- Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

Coffee. Espresso. Order here. Ahem! It looks like we've reached a tipping point, Ernie.

"Crumble an empire on that!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Today's special... donuts.

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Hats and Food

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"