Going To Cafes T-Shirts

"Oh, that Jane. I thought you were talking about Jane Austen."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Wifi in Hell

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Today's special... donuts.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Hats and Food

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'You've had enough!'

National Coffee Day

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The American Tearoom, Moscow

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"I'd say business was brisk."

Coffee Menu

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'You made me jump.'

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

What's the insect de jour?