Visiting Coffee Shops T-Shirts

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"Would you like some coffee, Baldo? It's free!"

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

Wifi in Hell

You've Had Enough!

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Joined at the hipster.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Coffee Menu

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

"I'd say business was brisk."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Night-shift entrance

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'

'What do you mean, you want a coffee break?!'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"No caffè latte? And you call yourselves a bookstore?"

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

Dateline - Caf

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Starbucks Siren

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'It takes all day to eat it.'

"Dear, when was the last time you just winged it?"

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."