Vision Virtuosos Gifts

'New glasses often hurt at first Tom.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Bring It On!

"Have you considered vlogging?"

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Alexander Pope

Leonard Cohen

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

Dame Edna Sitwell

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

"Actually, would you mind turning and shooting at 7 paces? Any more and you'll walk out of frame for my YouTube video."

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

"I was kind of hoping for 'new voices' who'd also sung before."

Oculist.

"Our drone pilots are out of touch with reality. Make them watch some John Wayne movies."

Dr. BR Smith Optician.

"Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. I'd like you to see another specialist. His office is closer to the eye chart."

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'