Vice Virtuoso Gifts

Cross eyed and crossed pits

It appeals to pride,greed,lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Coleridge'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"This one's for volunteering for field trips. This one's for planning the class holiday parties. . ."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

Writer

Wino Appreciation Group

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

Poetry repairman

'I'm a voice over artist.'

Bring It On!

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."