Vet Virtuoso Gifts

'Melvin, you have so much lead in your pants you don't need an apron....

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

Vegetable Cook

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

Planting veggies

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Mom's restaurant - 'You can't leave until you've eaten your greens.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

Cooking with Pierre

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Show and Tell.

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Coleridge'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'