Vision Vanguards Pillows

"I just got a new high-def television, but I can't enjoy it because I have low-def eyesight."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"Hack back with all you've got!"

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Robert Drake

'No cheating'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

Virtual Reality Shop. I think our business here will expand as actual reality becomes more and more unbelievable.

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"He's really excited about this new proposal to let staff take over services."

'Like us, the Hula Hoop will never go out of style.'

'Don't worry...you'll grow into them.'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

Trust me, it's scarier than the skull and crossbones ever was!

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'

Another Cultured Meat Experiment Ends in Failure.

A footballer is having an eye test.

"Government requires that we lower the bar."

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

'Mom, the only thing I don't like about this job is the screen saver.'

"Jessica could you call Tech Support and ask when the lazer was last calibrated please?"

'Don't worry - it's made entirely from soya-based meat substitute.'

Henry proudly models his new goggles that prevent him from losing a contact lens.

Monster in optician.

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

New Milks

Skedaddle, pardner - This town ain't got enough bandwidth fer the both of us.

Camera strain

"You can always tell when we have new patients who need glasses."

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'