Vision Impaired Humorist Pillows

"Have you seen the glasses I had on when I came in."

"Trouble is that I can't look for my glasses until I find them!"

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Large print e-book.

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Snail Pattern Balding.

The barber

"Are my breasts AI? No! My cartoonist would never use AI!"

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

I think I need new glasses. I swear I just saw a tiny man jump off your bridge.

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

A man with notches in his nose for his glasses.

"All our flow charts are backing up!"

Ancient Egyptian eye tests.

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

All I know is, your Rogaine's all chewed up, and the cat's been coughing like crazy.

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

There's a zip code on your head. It's mail pattern baldness.

A finger painting a painting of a vase and flowers.

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'I've been through your tax return and for the minute there's nothing to worry about.'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

The seeing-eye cat.

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

Bolting your Food.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Paperwork just lacked that personal touch, don't you agree?'

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'