Vision Impaired Humorist Gifts

"Have you seen the glasses I had on when I came in."

"Trouble is that I can't look for my glasses until I find them!"

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Large print e-book.

Snail Pattern Balding.

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

The barber

"Are my breasts AI? No! My cartoonist would never use AI!"

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

"All our flow charts are backing up!"

Ancient Egyptian eye tests.

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

A finger painting a painting of a vase and flowers.

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'I've been through your tax return and for the minute there's nothing to worry about.'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

The seeing-eye cat.

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

Bolting your Food.

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

'Paperwork just lacked that personal touch, don't you agree?'

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'