Virtual Wit Pillows

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Doggone

Miss America IQ Pageant

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Paper Boy

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

"And then bear left at the war memorial, first right down Newton road and St Luke's is straight ahead."

"She can be outspoken."

Death Watch