Virtual Assistant User Gifts

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

"So, how long have you been hearing voices?"

"How do I turn Alexa off?"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"This never happened."

'Is this the new input device?'

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

"Fill it up!"

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

'The vet said that getting spayed might hurt a little. But having nine puppies hurt a little, too.'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

'HEEL!...HEEL!'

Dog Park Zoom

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

Dog Looks Alarmed At The Vets.

"The vet made me wear this, and I can't lick my balls...uh...could I lick yours for awhile, Rex?"

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'

Fairy Vet

'I always take what he says with a grain of salt...

'When I was told our new computer was going to be state of the art, no one mentioned it was state of the art in 1954.'

'Doctor, I think he knows where he is.'

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

Negative Interest Meeting

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

'Now, just repeat the injections three times daily and avoid any stress.'

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'