Virtual Assistant Enthusiast Pillows

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

Meet the new factory manager.

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

'Now that we're completely automated, there's no one to yell at.'

Automation of Security

"We're a totaly automated facility, except for Frank. He plugs everything in each morning."

"Who's the new guy?"

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"I'll have my people zoom your people."

'This problem has been my life's work. I planned to devote my remainig years to it. It's just been solved in four seconds.'

'All those in favour of accepting more robots?'

"Then on a lark, I made the foolish mistake of writing a program that did what I did."

'Of course working in a 'Virtual Firm' does have it's drawbacks...'

"How do I turn Alexa off?"

"Hey google, find me research that says sugar is good for you."

"Robots are here to help you Jenkins. This one is going to help you spend more time with your family. All your time in fact!"

"And so, following my recommendations, if we outsource, offshore and automate in these areas, we find that. . . I'm out of a job."

'Bad news. You're being outsourced by robots from a third world country.'

Man says 'It's time to embrace new technology', computer replies: 'I'm not hugging you until you get these sticky notes off me.'

"I'm retiring, so on your next visit you'll be seen by two robots and an electron microscope."

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"Alexa and Siri both say I've been good."

"Welcome to the wise man on the mountain. My advice is now automated so listen carefully for your menu options. To continue in English press 1 now. For the meaning of life press 2 now..."

Uber Out of Luck

"Sorry. I now only identify as Alex."