Virtual Ascender Gifts

Saint Peter at the gates looking through a book entitled 'User Name'.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"Pokemon...Pokemon...Pokemon...."

'Remember - Reilly's Chairman of the Board, but Henderson's the Alpha male.'

"Nope, not what livestream means, Bob."

i-teddy

"I'm beginning to think they replaced the ladder of success with a greased pole."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson of the Board. One of you will be President.'

'Jeff is a tackle on his online college football team.'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

Go Play Outside - it's so real, you kids will almost smell the virtual fresh air!

"I've diligently spent the last eight hours saving an entire colony of elves from a pack of vicious dragons and your only concern is that it is 2 am?"

'Our gymnasium is being repaired so we played sports games on our computers.'

Computer Life

Indoor Football

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

'Why should I go outside...when I can build a animated snowman here.'

"I don't need therapy, but I'm concerned about my avatar. He's pretty screwed up."

"I visited the beach on Google Earth. Next time I'll wear sunscreen."

"I know it's small and expensive, but wait till you see all the Pokemon."

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

"Cool bonfire app, man."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"Hey guys, here's one I wrote about the loneliness of Lockdown."

'You've been on that Video Game all Day. Go outside and play.'

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

'Don't you miss the thrill of the chase?'

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

The First Asshole

Tourist looks at his laptop rather than the scenery.

"Wow, Greg's background makes it look like he's in space!"

"By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it."

What can I get you? A lemonade, and a scone for my avatar. No way. You have an avatar? Sure. Who doesn't? It's the hip thing. But that's just a movie concept. You're living in an imaginary kid world, right? If you say so. Okay, so one lemonade and one pretend scone. Real scone. For my real avatar. Don't let it get to you. How come I don't have an avatar?!?! You're cruel, lady. Give me my $5. Best money I ever spent.