Vintage Recipes Gifts

'Fruitcake, pfefferneusse, we'd like you to consider early retirement.'

Church Basement Foodie

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

Scales

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

"I dreamed that butter and sugar and eggs came back, and we all made cookies."

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

'I googled it Mom. There's no such thing as McLiver and onions.'

This whisky is 20 years old!

Endangered Entrees

'Village store and Food museum'

"Cheese fondue has gone wherever crepes Suzette and tuna Mornay went."

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

This might sting a little.

"How long have we been married?"

Ogg's Restaurant: Burned mastodon like mother used to make.

"I'm sorry. A suit AND tie are necessary."

Healthy Eating.

'We've finished the dishes Miss. Jenny washed, I wiped and the rest of the group picked up the pieces.'

"Darling, Mother faxed her tuna-casserole recipe all the way from Ohio."

'Tastes just like the cans of soup my Mom used to open and heat.'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

"Your mother wants me to make parsnip soup. Would you Google and tell me what a parsnip is?"

"You were right, sir. It was dishwater. The chef regrets the error."

'Edna's fish casserole dates to 1607 Jamestown, and the antidote to 1995, may clinic.'

"Funny, that's what Grandpa used to say."

Grandma's Pies

"Do you remember when food had food in it?"

Before burgers mattered

'Ah doctored it with sheep dip an' iodine an' turpentine...'