Vintage Hunting Gifts

'We're looking for 'antique items' today, sir - not antique relatives!'

Diner.

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Cats on Board.

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Rocking Horse

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'I'm too hot to trot.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

'Man...You age great!'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

"There's more inside."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

Roasted

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

"Grandma's TV is so old it wasn't made in a foreign country."

'Sure, I remember using carbon paper. Does that carbon date me?'

"So much for that vintage!"

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

Crap others threw out

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

'Peter Rabbit and his sisters, Floppy Disc and Mopsy.'

The Lost Tribe

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

They were long past their canine pasts, but the rare stamp brought out the beast in them.

"And a hef pond good sirloin for my boy, Sergeant Koppleman."

'He's revisiting his childhood.'

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).