Vino Venture Gifts

A man polishes a giant wine bottle.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Redhead

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

A giant glass of red wine

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."