Vice Venturer Gifts

Evil Personified $1.00

Profit

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

"With this company, it's like 'Adventure Capital."

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

S.S.dot.com

"Money is life's report card."

Bio, Inc. Should we continue to invest in this promising new cloning technique? Yeah, let's double down on it.

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

Businessman feeding the vultures

"This one's for volunteering for field trips. This one's for planning the class holiday parties. . ."

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

"And who, may I ask, is financing this startup country?"

"My ship had finally come in. . . then it sank!"

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.