Vicarious Foodie Gifts

DESSERTS: The Joy of Looking

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Al Dante

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

Cheese Secret

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Chernobyl Chow

Eye of Newt Helper

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Salvador Deli

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

Spy microchips in Chinese instant noodles

Vegicurious

"Hey, do we have strawberries crushed in cream cheese?"

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'Killing two birds with one stone...bacon coffee.'

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

"I left an apple with a big, fat worm in it on the table. Have you seen it?"

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert."

Roadkill Cafe...specials every day.

A woman looks at the menu posted in the front window of a restaurant; a nearby sign reads "Free gluten".

"You'll like this place. The food is eclectic without being schizophrenic."

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"It never would have sold as 'mud pie'."

'You order a pizza topped with sunflower seeds and crackers?'

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"